Cats - The devil's followers

Cats wait at a safe distance while you dig the soil, weed it, remove the stones, fertilise it and rake it so that you can grow something in it. They continue to wait while you carefully plant seeds at the correct depth and spacing for optimal germination. They wait until you are safely indoors, or better still they wait for night fall and the sound of snoring. Then the evil bastards dig up your seeds, shit all over them and make a pile of the pooh and seed mixture in the middle of what was your seed bed.

The next day you repair the damage as best you can and cover the bed with fine netting, thinking that the cats will take the hint and shit elsewhere. How wrong can you be! They trample on the netting until its flat on the soil then they try and shit through it and somehow manage to half bury it in the shit.

If one of them makes the mistake of getting caught up in the netting, I'm going to scoop its poop into a small bag which I will attach tightly to its neck before sending it back to its owner - the devil - with a good kick up the backside.

Unfortunately B&Q don't seem to sell razor wire or electric fencing so I'm working on my own solution to the problem, knowing me though, I'll be the one that ends up suspended 12 feet above the ground in a cargo net with rottweilers snapping at my tender bits.

Anyway, apart from that I'm having fun trying to 'grow my own', its been a while since we last planted anything you could actually put on a plate.